My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
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You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
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show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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