I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I can text with my tongue
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
We named our party play list daddy issues
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
We got so high we made milksteak
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
After tacos, we're chasing women.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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