i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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