There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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