The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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