he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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