my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize