Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
We're too hungover to prance.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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