I seem to have left my pride at pride
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
So much rum. So many feels.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
