I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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