we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
