i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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