Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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