Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
