i already hear my dad disowning me
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
