Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
