i already hear my dad disowning me
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
You've changed since you got that strap on
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
