If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
