I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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