I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
this boner is exhausting
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
