i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
