I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
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I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
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Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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