What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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