hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize