ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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