Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
