Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
