Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
