I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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