I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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