you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
me + whiskey = a bad person
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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