I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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