Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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