My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I forgot how hot balto sounded
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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