Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
