Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
