I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
