Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
