And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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