apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Randomize
