i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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