She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Randomize
