I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
