walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
