Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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