hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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