we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
