If i come over, it means nothing
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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