the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i just had sex bonerless
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Randomize
