No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
