You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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