The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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