I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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