We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
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