i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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