And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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