she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
