Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
