So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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