you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize