im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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