What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
